Uninspired: What I've Learned in the Monotony of Summer

Whew. It's been a while since I've written here! Actually, that's not quite accurate. I've written a few things, but haven't posted any of it. Everything felt fake; nothing I wrote seemed to feel like it belonged. I struggled with feeling like everyone I knew got to do exciting things this summer (go to faraway places, get married, etc.), and I felt a little left behind. My summer at home felt plain. I guess it's safe to say that I've been pretty uninspired.

Summer arrived more quickly than I anticipated, so I was caught off guard a bit. Since I'm the kind of person who likes to anticipate and prepare (It's not that I have to plan every little detail, I just like to be able to form some general expectations.), this lack of the usual preparation meant that my transition into the summer months wasn't quite as seamless as I'd hoped.

Nevertheless, it was obvious that God wanted to work on me intensively this summer. I knew that as soon as I knew I'd be at home. See, when I'm around my family, my true colors are seen more clearly. While it's great to be yourself, sometimes "being yourself" reveals more about you than you intended and it becomes impossible to avoid the selfishness waiting just below the surface. For me, this means that summer has been a prime opportunity for my savior to break down my pride and change my heart into something more like his.

One of the m.a.n.y. things he's been teaching me is to be more THANKFUL.

It would be predictable to babble on and on about blessings in my life (if you need some examples, feel free to read this post), but I don't need too. All you have to do is read a newspaper to understand how much we have in relation to the rest of the world. And even if we were imprisoned or war-torn or starving, the hope of Christ remains constant. We have so much to be thankful for. Oh so much to be thankful for.

It's easy for us to fix our eyes on things that other people have, but that only breeds discontent. I want to be a person who sees the world through realistic eyes, but still exudes joy. And there is joy, so much joy, that comes from pausing to reflect on the blessings in your life.

Be joyful today. Take 3 minutes and come up with a few things for which you are thankful.

Thanks for reading, friends. He is faithful!

Encouragment

Just a few verses that have encouraged me lately...I hope they do the same for you.
 
The Lord your God is in your midst,
     a mighty one who will save;
he will rejoice over you with gladness;
    he will quiet you by his love.

 - Zeph. 3:17

Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

 - 1 Thes. 5:16-18 

Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

 - Phil. 4:6-7

Praise the Lord, all nations!
    Extol him, all peoples! 

For great is his steadfast love toward us,
    and the faithfulness of the Lord endures forever.
Praise the Lord!

 - Psalm 117 

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

 - Matthew 11:28-30

On My Heart

Hello friends.

I'm feeling compelled to just write what's been on my heart. Sorry if this post gets heavy. That's just how it goes sometimes. It could get messy, but here we go...

So much hurting. So much brokenness. So many scars. Lately I've been reminded, in very tangible ways, of the pain that can define our human existence.

People hurt. How did I ignore it for so long? Why did I shut it out? Why did I turn away, why do I turn away when people are in need? I wanted the world to fit into my nice box of perfectness, where things are always pretty and sparkly. Why? I think it was and still is fear. Fear of being exposed. Fear of losing my safe little facade, my little world where I have it all together. Fear that, if I care too much, I'll be forced to deal with my own cares. How selfish of me! What if that was what Christ did to me?

You see, I'm broken. There are so many things from which I've been healed, but the scars persist. There are things that I still struggle with. Lies that need to be overcome with Truth every single day. I still hurt. I'm still broken. True, Christ has healed me of so much. He's set me free! But that doesn't mean that everything is suddenly fine and good.

In fact, just the opposite is true. For me personally, being set free from trying to make my life fit into the perfect box (and sweeping what doesn't fit under a rug to hide it) means that I have to throw out that rug and deal with everything I ignored for so long. That is a long, slow, painful process. It's just no fun. But it's part of Christ's redeeming work in me!

This is what I've learned: if I choose to ignore the ugly, I hurt myself, my relationships, my emotional health, and my communication with my Abba Father. When I acknowledge the ugly and allow Christ to heal me, there is joy to be found! I begin to feel cherished, loved, and understood! That's why I need to be patient in trouble (Romans 12:12). Because darkness is painful, but joy comes with the dawn.

So friends, even if you're one of the broken ones, I'm praying that you would trust Christ to set you free from that pain. That he would let you understand the depths of his compassion and mercy. That you would begin to understand how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ. 

And really, if you want to talk, I'm here. Hit me up.

Happy Things

These are a few of my favorite things:

Sunshine.

Singing. Loudly.

Good friends.

Pillows.

Goofy mustaches.

Artsy people and the artsy things they create.

Giraffes.

Iced lattes.

Encouraging words.

Babies.

Sunsets.

Laughter.

Worship music.

Perfectly steamed veggies.

Thunderstorms.

Hugs.

Cooking.

Little girls with ringlets.
Perfume.

Smiling.

Funny movies.

Pictures.

Old people.

Swimming.

Hymns.

Giggles.

Road trips.

Oceans.

Books.

Clouds that look like animals.

Animals.

Animal crackers.

Picking apples.

 Coffee dates.

New relationships.

Salty raisins.

Playing games.

Old friends.

Thanksgiving.

Chai.

Birthdays.

Sleeping in.

Balloon animals.

Softness.

Convicting sermons.

Llamas.

Listening to languages I don't speak.
Andes mints.
Restful days.
 Building snowmen.

Snuggling.

Good grammar.
Deep conversations.
Being right.
 Peaches.

What are you thankful for?

Poverty

I've been thinking about poverty lately.

Maybe it's because I see it in the kids I tutor. Maybe because of the I'm-a-student-and-I'm-broke jokes.  Maybe there's no good explanation for this post.

All I know is that poverty is heartbreaking.

Physical poverty (a lack of money, resources, things that we would consider essential) needs to end. I always tried to use the infamous "but Jesus said that there will always be poor people, so, I mean, well..." when I was younger. NO! That's just not ok.

How can I claim to follow Christ if I'm ignoring needs that are blatantly calling my name? How can I pray that Christ's love would fill me until I overflow if I'm not willing to allow that love to influence the people around me? As long as there are people hurting, suffering, needing something that I can give, I won't be content with the situation.

I know that we can't eliminate poverty completely. I understand that it's simply not feasible. Things happen. But seriously, find a good organization and support them with $10 each month. Better yet, go volunteer there. Make a difference. Be the change.

Emotional poverty is even more jarring. I was talking with a young woman today who was sharing some of her experiences with me. I'll spare the details for the sake of her privacy, but my heart broke for her. The things she had experienced, the relationships that had gone horribly wrong, the repercussions she deals with on a daily basis. It was terrible. And these things aren't uncommon!

How can I speak to those things, that kind of heartache? I certainly picked up my fair share of scars during adolescence, but nothing compared with what so many people deal with. How do we love on people with unimaginable stories? How do we respond to the pain of others?

Last but not least, I see spiritual poverty nearly everywhere I turn. People searching for their Savior, but without any clue where to look. People turning hopelessly to paths that can lead only to death and despair. People who go through the motions of Christianity, but feel numb inside, never surrendering to God's overwhelming love for them, lacking joy and peace. People who think they need to clean up their act, to get it right, to have their life in a neat little bundle.

Those, my friends, are the people my heart longs to reach.

~2 Corinthians 8:9~

For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though he was rich, yet for your sake he became poor, so that you through his poverty might become rich.

Unchanging

Where are you at today? Is life good? Are things going well? Maybe you just got a raise, a promotion, a new relationship. Or maybe it's nothing specific, just a general sense of well-being. Perhaps things are just falling into place before your eyes.

Or maybe life sucks right now. Maybe you just can't catch a break. Maybe, no matter where you turn, you find rejection and chaos. Maybe everything just hurts.

Or maybe, just maybe, you're a little bit of both, swinging back and forth on a pendulum of emotion.

No matter what's going on today, no matter what happened yesterday, no matter what happens tomorrow, you are loved. LOVED! Deeply. Eternally. Passionately. Completely. Without contracts, terms, or conditions. Without boundaries.

I don't think that you and I have the capacity to fully grasp this concept. Unconditional love. It's unrelenting. It doesn't back down. It's beautiful. It's utterly terrifying. See, that's simply not how we conceptualize the world. Every other relationship is, at very least, tinged with a hint of "I scratch your back, you scratch mine." This thought process, coupled with the innate idea that the world revolves around us, makes us prone to this idea of "Yes, God loves me, but ____." Ladies and gentlemen, there is no "but"! I can't even wrap my mind around that. When we're talking about the love of God, the exception simply doesn't exist.

But I did ____. I still love you.

But I didn't ____. I still love you.
But I'm still doing ____. I still love you.

But I'm a slave to ____. I still love you.

But I'm not who they think I am. I still love you.

But I don't desire You. I still love you.

But You're not my first love. I still love you.

But I just don't have time. I still love you.

But I can do it on my own. I still love you.

But I'm not content. I still love you.

But I don't know if I can trust You. I still love you.

But I don't have the strength. I still love you.

But everything hurts. I still love you.

But I'm not good enough. I still love you.

But I'm broken. I still love you.
But I'm afraid. I still love you.

But what if I fall apart? I still love you.

But what if I don't live up? I still love you.

But what if I fail? I still love you.

But what if I never get it right? I still love you.

That's the kind of love that can destroy a person. Draw closer to your Lover. You'll never be the same. It'll wreck your life if you let it. It'll be painful. It'll be heartbreaking. But, my friend, it'll be beautiful. It'll set you free.

Free from the rules you've been following. Free from the desperation that laces your heart late at night. Free from the fears that haunt you when you're alone.  Free from trying to fit in, trying to live up, and trying to find yourself.

In fact, you and I have already been set free! We're free because His love for us is constant. Rather than being based on us and our actions, motives, thoughts, or desires, it's based on the Savior who died for you. And our Savior never changes. He'll never fail. He just won't relent. He never leaves. He will never abandon you.

The sun may not always shine. But Christ's love for us is always the same. He is faithful, constant, and true in every circumstance, regardless of ourselves. His love never fails.

My hope is that, at the end of my life, I'll be just a few steps closer to grasping this love that never gives up.

How can I keep from singing your praise? How can I ever say enough? How amazing is your love!

Life To The Fullest

Time. It's of the essence.

Life is short. Friends, family, and the little napkins at Caribou are all encouraging us to take advantage of our time and use it wisely. Life to the fullest, Jesus calls it.

Lately, I've been thinking more about this concept of time. It goes so fast. Everyone gets the same 24-hour period. Then how do some people do so much and others do so little? Why do the days, weeks, and months fly by so quickly? It's so easy to waste time. On the other hand, it can be tempting to place too much emphasis on being productive, to prioritize things that need to be done over people who need to be loved.

So I've been thinking. I need to live more fully. Not just do more things, but be more present, more engaged, more captivated. I want to pursue every passion, every interest, every creative spark that my Creator put in me. Here's what I've come up with so far:

• photography - yes, I know it's the trendy thing to be into. Buuuuuut, I liked it before it was cool, so I get half-credit at least. The thing is, my photographic abilities seem to come in spurts that are few and far between. I'm registered for a photography class this summer, and I'm hoping that will cultivate my skills (or lack thereof).
• theatre - I live in an artsy city with lots of free (!!!) opportunities. I feel like I need to take advantage of them.
• music - Errrr...I tend to get into musical ruts where I find an artist I like or make a great playlist, only to listen to it exclusively for a couple months then move on. I want to expand my musical horizons beyond what I know or am familiar with. Any classy suggestions?
• crocheting - I used to know how to crochet, and I loved  it! But then I forgot how to turn corners, so I would just make long ropes out of yarn and pull them apart when I got bored. I tried to take up knitting last summer, but dude, that's hard! I think I'll try to get a little better at what I used to be good at before I try to knit again. Pictures to come! :)
• weird foods - Ethiopian is next on the list to try. I hear it's spicy.
• crafty things - It's a broad category, I know. But here's the thing: my problem has never been creativity. I can come up with mental pictures and ideas like nobody's business. It's just that I can't seem to make the things that I dream up. To quote Mia Thermopolis, "The concept is grasped. The execution is a little elusive." I'm going to try to remedy that problem.
• books - I love reading. I really do. But when I came to school, I thought "I'll just read during breaks. I have enough reading to do for class." However, having a roommate who loves reading even more than I do has challenged the way that I think about that. She picks up a book whenever she has a few minutes to spare, which has been really inspiring for me! (She even reads me bedtime stories occassionally. It's amazing.) Again, I've let myself become lazy, and that needs to change. I'm going to challenge myself to read, even if it has to be limited, during the school year. I started with "Disciplines of a Godly Woman," which has been great so far. Ironicly, it has a long list of recommended books at the end, so I should be busy for a while! After that, any suggestions?
• running - Once upon a time, a long long time ago, I ran everyday. It was wonderful, but I got lazy. This spring, my goal is to run again. It's beautiful outside, and I want to enjoy it.

So that's my current live-more-fully list. If you see me running this spring with a camera and a crochet needle, you'll know why. What's on your list?