Give me faith to trust what you say
That you're good and your love is great
I'm broken inside
I give you my life
I may be weak, but your spirit's strong in me.
My flesh may fail, but my God you never will.
I promise that I won't make every other post about a song, but I just couldn't resist this one. It's written and performed by the worship people at Elevation Church, and you can find the youtube video here. I'm a fan.
Recently, God's been using these lyrics to speak to my heart. In a word, I've felt weak lately. Emotionally, spiritually, even physically weak. For a recovering people-pleaser/control freak like myself, this is very unsettling notion. I'd like to be able to do it all. By nature, I want my actions to be the results of my choosing. I spent years trying to convince the world (and myself) that I was invincible. Only in recent years has God begun to save me from that way of thinking. It's a work in progress, and that's why weakness, even the beauty associated with it, is so terrifying to me.
I may be weak.
But that's not what my savior says about weakness. He says that my state (whether emotional, spiritual, or physical) doesn't really matter. Yes, Jesus loves me. Deeply, in fact. Yes, he loves every detail of your life and mine. But no, my current condition does nothing to change the reality of himself. See, I'm not really that important. I don't say that in a self-depricating way; I just mean that my weakness has no effect on his strength. And oh man, is he strong!
But your spirit's strong in me.
Back in the days of Sunday School and VBS, I was always a little bit confused when I would hear my teacher talk about God's strength in us. First, why would that be necessary? I'm invincible, remember? And what in the world does that look like in real life? I was old enough to know not to picture giant people running around smashing cars and picking up buildings because they were "filled with God's strength" (although that is tempting, isn't it?). But I could never figure out what that meant in terms beyond the theoretical.
I still don't have it all figured out, but (thankfully) God has drawn me much closer to himself since those days. As he's taught me to surrender, he's also been faithful to reveal more and more of his strength to me. You see, it's not that I'm running around with superpowers. But when life is hard, when I'm stretched until I think there's just none of me left, when I'm hurt and broken, those are the times when he's is most present. It's during the weeks that are/should be terrible when I see him changing me most vividly. I'm pretty sure it's not that he's actually closer during those times. I think it's just that I have to get past myself in order to see more of him. And complete brokenness usually does the trick.
My flesh may fail.
So yes, I've felt especially weak this week. (I can't help but giggle as I reread that...) It turns out I can't fix the world's problems. I can barely keep my own life under control, much less faithfully encourage and minister to the people God has put in my life. I experience brokenness and I hurt, but rather than allowing my Jesus to heal me, I just turn around and hurt others. I become distant and withdrawn, crabby and selfish. There have been countless times when I feel like a failure in every way, like I'm just not doing the grace of God justice.
But my God you never will.
But then I'm reminded, that's what grace is. That's the point. I can't get it right, so Jesus got it right for me. Now all that's left to do is surrender. And that, my friends, is why weakness is so beautiful.
Recently, God's been using these lyrics to speak to my heart. In a word, I've felt weak lately. Emotionally, spiritually, even physically weak. For a recovering people-pleaser/control freak like myself, this is very unsettling notion. I'd like to be able to do it all. By nature, I want my actions to be the results of my choosing. I spent years trying to convince the world (and myself) that I was invincible. Only in recent years has God begun to save me from that way of thinking. It's a work in progress, and that's why weakness, even the beauty associated with it, is so terrifying to me.
I may be weak.
But that's not what my savior says about weakness. He says that my state (whether emotional, spiritual, or physical) doesn't really matter. Yes, Jesus loves me. Deeply, in fact. Yes, he loves every detail of your life and mine. But no, my current condition does nothing to change the reality of himself. See, I'm not really that important. I don't say that in a self-depricating way; I just mean that my weakness has no effect on his strength. And oh man, is he strong!
But your spirit's strong in me.
Back in the days of Sunday School and VBS, I was always a little bit confused when I would hear my teacher talk about God's strength in us. First, why would that be necessary? I'm invincible, remember? And what in the world does that look like in real life? I was old enough to know not to picture giant people running around smashing cars and picking up buildings because they were "filled with God's strength" (although that is tempting, isn't it?). But I could never figure out what that meant in terms beyond the theoretical.
I still don't have it all figured out, but (thankfully) God has drawn me much closer to himself since those days. As he's taught me to surrender, he's also been faithful to reveal more and more of his strength to me. You see, it's not that I'm running around with superpowers. But when life is hard, when I'm stretched until I think there's just none of me left, when I'm hurt and broken, those are the times when he's is most present. It's during the weeks that are/should be terrible when I see him changing me most vividly. I'm pretty sure it's not that he's actually closer during those times. I think it's just that I have to get past myself in order to see more of him. And complete brokenness usually does the trick.
My flesh may fail.
So yes, I've felt especially weak this week. (I can't help but giggle as I reread that...) It turns out I can't fix the world's problems. I can barely keep my own life under control, much less faithfully encourage and minister to the people God has put in my life. I experience brokenness and I hurt, but rather than allowing my Jesus to heal me, I just turn around and hurt others. I become distant and withdrawn, crabby and selfish. There have been countless times when I feel like a failure in every way, like I'm just not doing the grace of God justice.
But my God you never will.
But then I'm reminded, that's what grace is. That's the point. I can't get it right, so Jesus got it right for me. Now all that's left to do is surrender. And that, my friends, is why weakness is so beautiful.
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