On My Heart

Hello friends.

I'm feeling compelled to just write what's been on my heart. Sorry if this post gets heavy. That's just how it goes sometimes. It could get messy, but here we go...

So much hurting. So much brokenness. So many scars. Lately I've been reminded, in very tangible ways, of the pain that can define our human existence.

People hurt. How did I ignore it for so long? Why did I shut it out? Why did I turn away, why do I turn away when people are in need? I wanted the world to fit into my nice box of perfectness, where things are always pretty and sparkly. Why? I think it was and still is fear. Fear of being exposed. Fear of losing my safe little facade, my little world where I have it all together. Fear that, if I care too much, I'll be forced to deal with my own cares. How selfish of me! What if that was what Christ did to me?

You see, I'm broken. There are so many things from which I've been healed, but the scars persist. There are things that I still struggle with. Lies that need to be overcome with Truth every single day. I still hurt. I'm still broken. True, Christ has healed me of so much. He's set me free! But that doesn't mean that everything is suddenly fine and good.

In fact, just the opposite is true. For me personally, being set free from trying to make my life fit into the perfect box (and sweeping what doesn't fit under a rug to hide it) means that I have to throw out that rug and deal with everything I ignored for so long. That is a long, slow, painful process. It's just no fun. But it's part of Christ's redeeming work in me!

This is what I've learned: if I choose to ignore the ugly, I hurt myself, my relationships, my emotional health, and my communication with my Abba Father. When I acknowledge the ugly and allow Christ to heal me, there is joy to be found! I begin to feel cherished, loved, and understood! That's why I need to be patient in trouble (Romans 12:12). Because darkness is painful, but joy comes with the dawn.

So friends, even if you're one of the broken ones, I'm praying that you would trust Christ to set you free from that pain. That he would let you understand the depths of his compassion and mercy. That you would begin to understand how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ. 

And really, if you want to talk, I'm here. Hit me up.